Faith بإذن الله 💜

How do you cope? 

How do you do it? 

Basically, it is more abt coping with Aqil. 

Abt having a child with ASD. 

While managing work, study & home. 

It is abt mindset.

It is abt will.

It is abt faith.

First of all, I hv to lower my expectations. 

In many, many things. 

Aqil makes me think what is it that I expect from my children, of my life.

There is work.

There is study.

And there are my growing up children. 

I look back.

Look back at my parents. 

My inspiration. 

Abah was the sole breadwinner & Mak was a housewife...with us 7 growing up girls then. 

How did they manage? 

They didn't put expectations on us, their children. 

They didn't help us with our studies or homework then cause they didn't hv high education.

Abah finished sch at Primary 6 & Mak finished sch only at Primary 3.

But Abah made sure we always had our books with us somehow during the allocated study time daily. And Mak could only help with our spelling...and that too only in our lower primary years. 

We self-studied & dependend on each other...me & my siblings. 

And I do just that with my children. 

Not that I am academically inadequate but rather so that I can do other chores in the house. 

Ariq & Arisya will usually do their homeworks by themselves. Ariq will help Arisya wherever he can. And both of them will ask me if they hv any problems. 

And we accept whatever their achievements with open heart. As long as they move on to the nxt level...we are happy. 

Ariq & Arisya are not high achievers...and we as parents, are proud of their achievements thus far coz whatever they achieved is based on their own hard work. No home-based nor external tutoring nor any enrichment classes. 

They may take a longer route in the education journey but we are ok with that. As long as they continue the journey all the way to the end...we will always be there, encouranging them (and nag too sometimes) along the way. 

If I place too much focus on their studies, I won't be able to prepare daily meals for them. 

And that is one thing I definitely remember & appreciate of my Mak...we always had home meals, we didn't eat out then. Eating out was a luxury. 

Sacrifices.

There definitely are sacrifices to be made. 

Having a child with ASD requires more time, more effort, more spending. 

Yes, more spending. 

From the time we referred him until now...the costs has not stop. 

But we made sure Aqil gets whatever Ariq & Arisya got. We started sending him from nursery & also madrasah. 

Being in SPED sch & madrasah, his fees are much more than mainstream. 

His sch fees is 35x that of Ariq & Arisya and his madrasah fees is 4x that of Ariq & Arisya. 

And meltdowns are definitely synonym with autism. To manage these meltdowns requires lots & lots of patience. 

It will be a lie if we say that we had never snapped before. 

The big decision we had to make came when Aqil started having meltdowns taking the bus to & from sch. A few complains came from the bus driver & the break point came when Aqil actually threw his shoes at the bus driver. 

And so the husband made the sacrifice & started sending & fetching Aqil. 

Of coz we feel it. Feel the loss of income. 

And so another big decision came when we had to downgrade. While others are mostly upgrading, we downgraded frm our EA to a 4-room. 

But positively, we are now proud owners of our fully-owned house, not mortgaged. 

And the monthly bills...there is a distinct difference for sure! 😉

That's when faith comes in. We believe rizq is frm الله definitely. 

Recently, a fellow autismmum who is also a working mum, asked me if my workplace know of my child's condition & make exceptions for me.

No. 

And I don't expect to receive any exceptions. 

There is this thing abt egalitarianism.

Personally, all my children are the same & equal. Hence, as shared, Aqil gets what Ariq & Arisya got. 

And having a special needs child doesn't give me the right to put it as a burden to someone else or even to my workplace. 

Hence the sacrifice made by the husband. 

If you are to ask, why the husband...why not me when I am the mother. 

We considered ALL factors. 

And my husband is not a house husband. 

My husband do freelance work & he too brings home income. 

Just that...the income is now unstable & with no bonuses. 

While on my part, as a full-time worker & main breadwinner of the family...I have to keep my work safe. 

I treasure all the privileges & benefits I've got & always think twice abt taking leave. 

How abt work pressure? 

I don't give myself pressures. 

I don't push myself.

Coz I need to survive.

How abt study pressure? 

I don't give myself pressures.

I don't push myself.

Most finished their degree programmes in 3 or 4 years.

This is my 4th year studying & still need a few more years before completing.

Coz I need to survive.

And I have my husband to thank for making the monetary sacrifice & always being there in my place whenever the children are concerned & sharing the house chores with me (did I share that the husband do the laundry - washing, folding, ironing? 😘). 

Always have faith.

Thank you الله....for everything happens...بإذن الله 💜