Post Partum...Post Natal...I had it.

Post-partum.

Post-natal.

It is scary. 

Read the news abt the young mother who jumped with her baby. 

I had it.

I experienced it.

But without realising it.

That's a blessing.

Not ignorant can be good...somewhat. 

It was my first child birth.

I was excited of course.

Wanting to do the things that mothers will do. 

I tried to do them myself. 

Furthermore, it was Ramadhan.

While others were fasting then, I was privileged coz mothers in confinement are not required to fast.

So...didn't wanna really tax them.

And I was then trying my best to follow the 'rules & regulations' of confinement.

No jalan-jalan.

I had the massage & got myself all wrapped up for whole day.

I was feeling so so so hot. 

Anyway...I didn't know I was having deperession then.

Luckily, I was...we were at my parents' for the confinement period.

It happened two weeks after I gave birth.

Apparently, I had a fit while feeding Ariq.

And I was in a sub-conscious state for about a week before I realised I was in hospital.

Stayed at TTSH for about a week.

Where I was behaving as though I'd lost my mind...it seemed.

Well, that's what I heard.

Coz I don't remember most of it.

Being subconscious, I do remember bits of the stay there.

But the good ones only...thank you الله.

I remembered my younger sister, who was doing her nursing practicum then, bathing me....with her friend.

How embarassing! 

But it happened.

I couldn't say no...nor move my limbs then.

So they just pushed my to the bathroom in a wheelchair.

And bathed me....in the wheelchair.

Another bit that I remembered was someone tying up my hair for me.

Didn't & don't know who.

جزاك اللهُ خيرًا ❤️

Just when I started to become aware of my surroundings...I was moved to KKH.

I was supposed to be transferred to IMH but my family refused.

That part...I remembered everything.

Everyone was doing everything for me.

Everyone was obliging to anything I said.

Haha! Felt like I owned the world! 

Actually...they knew what happened to me.

Before I finally realised it myself.

After I met the psychologist at KKH. 

So they did what they did...to prevent me from slipping into depression yet again.

Thank you الله for these people in my life.

So I decided that it is not gonna happen again when I got pregnant with Arisya & Aqil.

And my family ensured that too.

Thank you الله ❤️

Oh...by the way...there's one more thing I remembered...

My family placed Ariq's photo next to my hospital bed...and told me that I had to get well quickly coz Ariq had been waiting for me at home...