He was supposed to enter Primary One last year but we'd wanted him to be in a special needs school as recommended by his doctor.
Hence he continued another year at EIPIC Centre as we waited for a place in a SPED sch.
And this year...he finally graduates frm EIPIC Centre. There's no way we can extend any longer.
His graduation fell on the same day as my sista's wedding. We were contemplating whether to attend his graduation concert or not. But since he will be leaving EIPIC Centre for sure...and he had a few lines to say in his class performance, we decided to sneak away from the wedding for a bit for our lil king's graduation concert.
Upon reaching the venue, his teacher took him to change his T-shirt. I was as usual all excited to snap away & record his performance...I had even created an album in my FB to post all the pics of his graduation concerts.
However, that album only contains a pic of me, husband & Aqil. At the start of the concert, audiences were told that we could snap as many pics as we want & record as many videos as we want but we're not allowed to post them on any social media...except for pics of our own child.
Hence the empty album. Of course I still went snapping & recording away coz I need to keep this beautiful memories of him.
It was a very beautiful concert. The kids were so so so innocent. Their performances were not anywhere perfect but they were the most beautiful performances that I couldn't believe I'd teared.
All the classes were accompanied by their teachers...and almost every child has a teacher with them and that includes Aqil.
Our lil king was so excited during his class performance that he was flapping away! π
We are so proud of him...he was so cool when he said his lines...even his teacher was proud of him too!
Just before his class performance, a drawing was shown on the screen. A drawing with four names & one of the name was 'Aqil'. I'd thought nothing of it...I thought it was super nice of his teacher to do the drawing coz only his class had that drawing....until the teacher messaged & told me abt the pic. π±
And his proud Mama, ME, took the effort to crop the vid of his performance coz his Mama wants everyone to see how well he'd performed for his part & how proud she felt then! π
Yesterday, we had an advance birthday celebration for eldest sis & Ariq (16&18 Nov respectively). Since 3 of us sistaz are down with exam fever (one even had a paper yesterday) & an upcoming wedding, we decided to hv a meet-eat-cut cake kind of thing.
So before the dinner, we ensured Aqil was fed first...he had both chicken rice & McD fries yesterday.
Upon arrival he was fine...running around the place...watching YouTube as usual.
As we were greeting each other (Muslims kiss the hand of the older ones), Aqil went "there's so many people" coz he had to go around greeting his aunties & uncles...hehe! And once the food was served, he started screaming & ran off! Haha! His sensory sensitivity took place...π
Of course we had to run after him & got him to sit by the side whereby the food was out of his view.
But the place he was seated was along the path to the restroom...and so he kinda 'blocked' the way of those who wanted to go to the restroom. Our poor lil king...π
Thus we grabbed a chair so that he wouldn't be able to spread his legs & it was much more comfortable for him actually. π
Alhamdulillah...this lil king with full tummy was happy & comfortable with his seat & occupied with YouTube!
With that, we were able to enjoy dinner & cake-cutting & opening presents...thank you lil king! π
In fact...I realised that he wasn't in any of the pics we took. Hence, the last few family pics...we made sure he was in...hehe! ππΌ
SG50. Yup...Singapore celebrates 50 years of independence this year. Not that I was directly involved in the whole SG50 or what but this year does feel a bit different.
The celebratory mood started earlier maybe because of the extra PH on 7th Aug. Then of course there are freebies & discounts & activities all over the island over the Jubilee weekend. What more with free rides on the 9th itself!
And for us...the mood was even more with my cousin's wedding on 8 Aug whereby the theme is red & white in conjunction with SG50!
Had wanted to bring the kids out taking the free public rides but the kids were reluctant & since Aqil was asleep...we decided to forgo the idea.
Nothing special was planned...just wanna spent some quality time with the family & let the kids feel some of the National Day mood.
The kids wanna have something which they have not tried before. Hence we chose Turkish delicacies. Not that the kids have not tried before but it has been years ago perhaps. Furthermore, they absolutely have not tried Derwish.
And I'd thought it be just nice coz Arab Street is indeed a historical area...really fits the mood huh? π
Of course their idiosyncratic mother...ME...made everyone don red! Haha! Patriotic mah! π
Luckily Aqil was asleep thus we were able to enjoy lunch at Derwish. While waiting for our food...the husbern & Ariq even managed to solat at Sultan Mosque...which is of course very rare for us! π
Ariq & Arisya enjoyed Derwish so much saying that it was a delicious meal. And Ariq even thanked us for bringing them there for lunch. Aawww....that was heart-melting for his Umi at least. Being appreciative & able to say thanks is something we absolutely want our kids to have in them. π
And with some Takashimaya vouchers at hand, we grabbed some Godiva ice-cream there & even got Pezzo pizzas for NDP@home with the family!
And to make it all the more perfect day was Aqil being awake in time for him to have chicken rice before we were back home just in time for NDP live on TV!
So proud to be a Singaporean! Singapore itself is a beautiful & clean country. The education here is one of the best in the world apart from its airport & sea port among others.
And what's uniquely SG is its multiracialism. Regardless of race, language or religion...everyone is equal.
It is a bit sad that Mr LKY is no longer around to celebrate this special year. A man that deserved all the respect that anyone could have.
Thank you for leading SG, moulding SG, changing SG...believing in SG...thank you Sir! π
SG has been in good hands for these 50 years & we trust our leaders to continue doing their best for SG just like what our forefathers have done...
Syawal is here again! Yup...the annual visitings of relatives & friends is here again! And definitely it is the season that Aqil dislikes...hehehe!
While all of us are looking forward to Eid, our lil king is among them who'd wish otherwise especially the visitings part.
Alhamdulillah...being the 7th year of Eid for him...he's adapting much better each year. With the years of experience and observing, we realised that Aqil will enter the house if there's no crowd or the house is spacious or there's a space in the house that he can be by himself. Otherwise, he'd not enter & will scream if forced to.
Most relatives have known of Aqil's condition (of course) but they are very concerned about him especially if he chose to stay out...hehehe!
And it is during such events that gadgets & technology are very very very helpful...to us! Haha!
With an ipad & even better with internet connection, Aqil will be kept occupied & we can mingle with the relatives & friends.
Two days ago, we went to a cousin's wedding. Luckily Aqil was asleep throughout the event! Haha!
Yup, our lil king didn't sleep the whole night before and only fell asleep in the car , on the way to the wedding.
Thank you Ya Rabb!
And yesterday...we continued our Raya visitings in JB. One thing I dread is the fact that there'll be no internet connection unless we are at a house with Wifi.
But alhamdulillah, Aqil wasn't cranky when told that there's no internet hence he could only draw or play apps that requires no internet.
He also fell asleep in between hence we were able to bring him into the houses. Hehe!
He stayed outside at the first house. Refused to be brought in even after he fell asleep on the chair...thus we had to put him in the car so that he could lie down.
His grandpa was even cushioning Aqil with his arm when Aqil started dozing off.
That was such a sweet sight!
And at another house...he walked away when my brother-in-law brought his plate of food out of the house & ate nearby Aqil. He walked towards the gate and sat there to eat his wafers instead of the chair that he was sitting on earlier.
I do believe that there are parents who'd opt to avoid visitings with their child(ren) diagnosed with autism. But we'd think of it otherwise. We'd want Aqil to get used to such visitings coz it is an annual thing & we want him to know the relatives & vice versa.
And it is never about us ignoring our lil king. Letting him be as he is just so we can eat & be merry...no! Never that in mind!
We're visiting...its a festive season...we do not wish to destroy that feel.
The world is not just about us...not just about autism...especially during festives or events.
We are just being like any other family, enjoying the festive season. We'd love to enjoy the gatherings & be able to mingle & catch up with the others...and we can best do that when Aqil is calm & comfortable at each & every house.
Alhamdulillah! Today marks the 4th full day fasting for Aqil. 😘
Since Day 1 of Ramadhan, I have been posting abt getting Aqil to fast this year.
Why is Aqil's Mama so excited abt him fasting? Why is Aqil's Mama posting abt it everyday?
Haha! Nah...this isn't showing off...in fact that intention was never there.
Usually when I post abt something...it is something that somewhat has an impact on me. I just like sharing abt it.
And Aqil's fasting is one that has an impact on me...his Mama. His fasting has made his parents very,very proud of him. Aqil actually started fasting much later than his Abang & Kakak. Ariq & Arisya started with half day fasting at 4 yrs old and full day fasting at 6.
And of course...Ariq & Arisya had iftar at the same table as us at the sound of Azan.
But its different for Aqil. In fact, we didn't even try to start him with fasting at 4 yrs old coz then we'd just knew of his condition. And with his incomplete & unbalanced diet, we were cautious abt his health.
So it is only this year that we wanted to try getting him to fast. It started off quite badly...he was having meltdowns & getting restless the first 2 days.
One thing for sure is we're not gonna force it on him...in fact, fasting was not forced on Ariq & Arisya too. But with Ariq & Arisya...explaining worked coz they were able to understand.
However, its totally a different thing with Aqil. He doesn't understand the purpose of fasting in Islam.
But with having fasted for 4 consexutive days successfully...I think he's getting the idea of fasting but has yet to understand the purpose though.
Aqil now knows he can't eat or drink in the day & can only eat or drink at night. It gets easier each day. I'd always remind him that he's fasting & make him look outside the window, to show him its day time. And when its time to break fast, I make him look outside the window again to show that its dark, that its night time & he can eat and drink already.
His sleeping time is haywired....sleeping at almost dawn & waking up at 2/3pm. Hence...we can't even start him with half day faaring.
Scientifically, he did full day fasts but logically, he's only fasting for that 4-5 hours that he's awake.
Yet again...that's the best we can do as parents...insyaAllah, his efforts will be accepted & blessed...amin 3x.
Today...he woke up 'quite early' at around 12pm. I was a bit worried that he might not be able to complete full day fast today coz it'd be more than 6 hrs.
But alhamdulillah...not only was he able to complete full day fast, he was totally calm the whole day! I was amazed!
No request for susu, no request for cookies, no request for chocolates...nothing! Such amazement...for me at least!
And that lasted all the way till the last few minutes before Azan. As usual, I waited with him by his side with his milk in my hand.
He gave a glance at the bottle & smiled cheekily at his Mama.
"No...not yet Sayang..." I said.
"Wait for Allah..." he said.
Yes...Aqil said that! SubhanaAllah! 😍
For the 4 days he fasted, not once has he sat at the same table as us for iftar.
Hehe! In fact he avoided the dining table...and it has been 7 yrs!
This boy...fasted full day, is happy to have his milk for iftar...& waited patiently for his Mama to bring him out for his chicken rice after his Mama has cleaned up the kitchen & performed prayers.
Thank you so so so much Aqil Danish Hisham! 😍
Spent half a day at Wild Wild Wet yesterday. It was a request by the birthday girl...in fact our last trip to WWW was also her birthday last year.
The kids had fun of course but Aqil had the greatest time. Why? Hehe...well, Ariq wanted to try rides but didn't wanna queue for it. And Arisya...she don't really like rides, in fact she's scared...so scared that USS was out of interest for her. And these two feel that the lower slides are too 'kiddy' for them.
Well...ask Arisya why she wanna go WWW in the first place! Gggrrr!
A few hours there, we decided to stop for some snacks. Aqil didn't wanna stop! We had to make him come out of pool. He refused much but when we walked away...he started wailing & ran after us reluctantly. So we had to coerce him...we told him that we'd just need to buy something quickly before we could go back to the pool.
The wailing stopped but he was on a repeat mode telling us to be quick! Gggrrr!
Told ya he was having a blast!
Hence after getting some snacks....we headed back to the pool. We sat by the poolside while having the snacks. Aqil ran back to the pool...going down one slide after another.
We sat by the poolside...having our snacks...while keeping an eye on Aqil.
Moments later...we saw Aqil being held by his right hand by a man. Nope...the man wasn't holding Aqil's hand...rather he was holding Aqil's right arm...if you can imagine that.
Well....we were shocked of course! We knew Aqil wasn't injured or anything coz he was still looking towards the slides as he was being held by the arm.
The husbern got up and went towards them....I didn't rush. I had a bad feeling...I didn't like the way that man held Aqil by the arm.
I could hear bits and pieces of what that man said to the husbern. I held Aqil while the husbern talked to the man. I heard the husbern apologised to the man before the man finally walked away.
I asked the husbern what did the man said...I could feel anger in his voice.
As the husbern was explaining to me, I was holding on to Aqil while my eyes followed the man as he walked away. He had walked towards his wife & children...he said something to his wife, his wife looked over at us and they walked away with their kids.
Haha! That's me...with my killer eyes especially when it comes to my children!
Apparently...he wasn't happy that Aqil pushed his way through while playing the slides....and that happened to his children. Not that Aqil pushed his children but rather Aqil somewhat jumped the queue and pushed his way through to get on the slide.
And the husbern apologised for that. Well...its only right that we apologised coz what Aqil did was wrong and may even be unacceptable for some people.
But the husbern too told the man abt Aqil's condition...before he finally walked away.
All the while...we have always watched out for Aqil. Even when taking the elevators...we had to hold his hands to make sure that he don't touch any other people.
And while at WWW yesterday...we did notice him ignorantly going up & down the slides oblivious of the others around him. But never once did he push anyone...if someone was already seated to slide down, he waited for his turn. However, if someone was heading towards the slide, no matter how close) he'd just slumberly moved past that person and got on the slide.
When the husbern told him abt Aqil's condition, that man remarked why didn't us the parents be with him while he was playing. Well, the husbern didn't say anything more & just apologised again.
We'd never go up the slides with Aqil...all the while Ariq was the one accompanying him. Well, Ariq was having a break then of course but we kept our eyes on Aqil. We did notice that Aqil did cut queues...but he wasn't the only child who did that. We'd seen other kids cutting Aqil's queue too...and well, they are just kids!
And...there were so many other children...so many other parents...that man had to be the only one who was angry with Aqil?
Oh...and the way he held Aqil by the arm...we were really pissed off with that. For goodness sake, he was only a boy & what was the man thinking? What would he feel if someone held one of his kids by the arm?
It was a theme park! Kids lose their minds when playing...what more a child with autism who's oblivious of his surroundings 24/7!
We talked to Aqil & reminded him not to play rough...before he ran back to the slides which he enjoyed so much.
We didn't leave immediately...the kids continued with their waterplay. However, we didn't see that man & his family anymore until we left...
Wasn't really a good morning when I woke up this morning...ok, something is grammatically wrong with the sentence?
Haha! Nah...it really wasn't a good morning.
The plan today was to wash the kids'bedlinens...so I got them to take their bedlinens off after they have washed up...they refer to Ariq & Arisya of course. Then...I have yet to step into the living room.
As Ariq headed to the laundry room (service balcony) to put the bedlinens into the washing machine, I followed him from the back...coz I'd have to start the washer spinning ofcourse.
And as I walked past the living room...I'd scanned around. Yes...that's me...I'd naturally scan my eyes around the house to ensure everything is in place.
I was shocked when I looked up at the ceiling...there were pieces of tissue papers there! Yes! If you'd seen those in the public toilets...wet tissues planked onto the ceiling? Exactly like that!
My blood shot to above boiling point I guess!
"Ariq! Arisya!" I shouted...nevermind that the neighbours could actually hear me. I was fuming.
When asked...both of them denied. They actually denied...strong-heartedly...but no one else could have done it. Obviously not Aqil...he has never asked for tissues.
With anger overcoming my mind, I reached for a hanger & spanked them....and they still refused to own up.
Aqil started screaming & covering his ears when I did that.
"Don't hit my sister! Don't hit my brother!"
Yes...that slashed through my heart. I didn't wanna resort to hitting...but they actually refused to own up.
I paused. Everything went silent except for Ariq's & Arisya's sobbings. The phone rang but no one answered...coz I didn't & they were scared to answer.
I tried to clear my thoughts...I just knew one of them did it but I can't pinpoint who...coz it didn't happen before.
Aqil was walking around the living room...still with his hands covering his ears.
"Aqil...its ok. Put down your hands. Mama don't shout anymore"
"What?" he said.
"Put down your hands...Mama stop shouting ok..." and he did.
My goodness. There I was causing 'hurt' to all three of them.
It hurts but I had to do it. Those tissues on the ceiling....thats totally wrong! Its the first time & will not be another time.
With the older two refusing to own up...I randomly asked Aqil..."Aqil...who did that?" I pointed to the ceiling...and Aqil actually looked at where I was pointing!
"Who did that? Kakak or Abang?"
"Kakak" he answered almost spontaneously.
I looked at Arisya & turned to Aqil again...repeating the question.
"Kakak" and this time he pointed to her.
There it was.
I looked at Arisya and she started crying louder before I even said anything.
"Why? Why didn't own up?"
She didn't answer...instead she just cried louder.
I don't know why but I didn't spank or scold her...I told her to take the broom & get the tissues off the ceiling.
Everything was tensed then...until now. Yes, until now as I am blogging abt it. All three are in the bedroom with me...
I talked to Arisya & asked her why...she just said she didn't know.
Lying is not uncommon...it is wrong but it is natural...with circumstances.
I am still trying to understand why she refused to own up. But as I think abt it, Ariq obviously didn't lie, even though Arisya didn't own up...she didn't accuse Ariq nor did Ariq accuse Arisya. Both of them just kept saying they didn't do it even after being spanked.
And I am actually very pleased with that. I was able to see Ariq being firm that he didn't do it & Arisya might have refused to own up coz she was scared...scared that she would get more spankings? As long as she didn't own up...Ariq was there facing the scoldings with her?
I don't know actually. But I have told her what she did was wrong. The tissues was wrong...not owning up was wrong...getting Ariq to be spanked coz she didn't own up was wrong.
She just cried and cried then.
I learnt a lot from this.
I learnt more abt my AriqArisyAqil...something abt them individually.
Ya Rabb...I seek your guidance as always...
Ever since Aqil is born...I hadn't had more than 6hrs of sleep.
He's wake up every 10-15mins when put down. He's the only one we had to get the sarung swing for...the sarung swing allowed me to have that extra hr or two of sleep.
Baby cot was never for Aqil...he has been co-sleeping with us like forever. Or maybe I shouldn't say it that way...he's been co-sleeping with us for the first three years? Then he started sleeping later and later until the wee hours...
For these two years....he's been falling asleep at 4/5am...waking up at 1pm for school and madrasah.
How did we survive? Haha! We just have to...
Ariq & Arisya will get to bed around 10pm...and they almost immediately fall asleep especially on weekdays.
Me & the husbern on the other hand tried to stay awake for as long as our eyes can take...for we want to keep Aqil company. Putting him in bed is never a success....he'd get down from the bed every now and then.
We'd doze off once the eyes can take it no more. What happen to Aqil?
He'd be playing with the ipad...when the ipad is dead...he'll look for my hp to watch YouTube.
Oh yes! We know the importance of sleep...we know he needs to sleep but this is part of him. This is autism.
Don't let him play ipad? Keep it away? Well...that ipad is the reason why we can have our sleep daily. With the ipad...Aqil is kept occupied without disturbing us...in the pitch dark room. As long as he doesn't get frustrated...he'd not disturb us.
Much as we know Aqil needs his sleep...we as parents should ensure he sleeps properly....but in reality...we need to prioritise.
We need to work...we need to have that rest...we need to have that sleep.
Aqil is still ok since he's getting 7-8hrs of sleep though the timing is haywired. Hence...the ipad is a saviour to us...for keeping Aqil occupied so that we can have our much need rest after a day's work.
But recently...his sleeping hours got twarted quite badly until its causing him to miss school.
Since last week...he started falling asleep at 7+ in the morning. Then it got later....at 10+am....and later....and today he only fell asleep at 4pm.
Missing school is one thing...he's also missing his chicken rice meals. This is worrying as we can only bring him out for his chicken rice after work.
He's already not getting all the nutrients that a growing up child needs...and now, he's missing his rice meals too.
Hopefully this haywired sleep will be straightened as soon as possible...insyaAllah....amin 3x.
Being an autismmum...I hv a soft spot for children with special needs especially those diagnosed with autism.
In fact, I love seeing these children & if given a choice...would like to know more about them as a learning process for an autism mum.
It has always been a learning process with Aqil and it will continue to be in future. Just when I thought I'd understood him...he will portray a new trait which requires us to start adapting to it all over again.
Yes...us adapting to him. Why not?
It has always been the other way. Its always the children having to adapt to what is wanted by the adults. Its always about the special needs children having to conform to certain routines. Why can't it be the other way?
A child with autism has high sensitivity & low threshold for almost everything.
A colourful classroom or nursery maybe beautiful to all but to those with autism...the colours maybe too much for them.
A classroom is often decorated so nicely & the walls and boards are filled with all the words taught to the kids...but to a child with autism, those words are causing his world to spin.
And when the child melts down...he or she is often seen as not adaptive...not following rules.
Put yourself in the child's shoe. What might the child be feeling?
A child with autism or generally a child with special needs is always a child first then the autism or special needs.
He or she too wants to be accepted, be understood, be loved, be respected.
How does it feel to be dragged out of a room against your wish?
That's exactly what the child is feeling.
A meltdown requires understanding...& lots of patience. It all depends on what the child is feeling or going through.
Screaming, wailing & crying are ways for them to let go of their feelings. It is always their way of attracting your attention...yes, your attention as they are trying to tell that they are uncomfortable.
When the child is having a meltdown, eyes will already be on him or her. Dragging the child away may hurt the child emotionally.
A child with autism is most of the time in a world of their own...hence they are oblivious of the real world. It is true that we hv to get them to learn abt the real world but not by force...never.
And every child is different...unique.
This child might be able to adapt easily but that child just requires a longer time. One child may experience meltdowns more often than the other child. One technique may not apply to all.
More and more of these children are in mainstream schools.
One reason can be its the parents' choice. Some parents maybe in denial of their child's condition. But do understand that it is already tough for the parents to know that their child is different from the other children. Some parents especially those who placed such beautiful dreams & high hopes ever since the pregnancy was discovered...the heartbreak that they might be going through is indescribable.
Some parents are more accepting of their child's condition however, the shortage of teachers and classes in special needs schools leave them no choice but to place their child in mainstream school.
In whatever case...it is never the child's decision...the child didn't ask to be place in that particular sch...the child didn't want to behave that way...the child want to be in the classroom but the ambience is too much to be handled...the child wants to learn but too much info is causing congestion in his head...
All they ask for or want is for the people around to understand...be more perseverance with their antics & accept them as they are....
Traveling to HK at the age of 2 in 2010 was Aqil's first flight. He was seated with me latched by a seatbelt while Ariq & Arisya had their own seats....not because of his condition because then he was only 2yrs old. Both flights...to & fro, Aqil was cranky. He refused to be latched to me, struggling to be released. Well, of course I had no choice but to hold on to him during the take-offs & landings. However, the 3-4hrs trip was quite taxing coz this lil prince of ours refused to be seated & was cranky every time we tried to sit him down. He'd run around the isle in the plane...yes! Around the whole plane!
However, since his condition wasn't known yet...we didn't think much of it. We just shrugged it off as maybe, he needed his own seat as he refused to be latched to me. And we looked at his running around the plane was a relieved from being 'tied' up....well, he was only 2 then.
We were lucky the HK flights were only 3-4hrs...and we had such beautiful staffs on the plane who were attending to us & Aqil every time he was cranky or running around the plane. In fact, Aqil was even given a model plane by one of the stewards before we got off the plane.
And so...2 years later, we planned another long-distance trip! Haha! Now...then in 2012, we have referred Aqil to KKH & he was receiving therapies & seeing specialists. We know of his condition...what he was particular of and such...but we decided to go ahead with the trip coz we thought it'd be good to expose him to flight conditions often too. But we forgot that he was no longer the 2-yr-old he was.
Hence, being a 4-yr-old...he's obviously bigger and louder! Yikes! And so, when he started screaming when we boarded the plane, eyes were on us. We had difficulty consoling & calming him down coz people were 'pushing' in to get to their seats thus we were stacked at our seats...cramped for much movements. Soon after, a steward came by & tried to calm Aqil down...to the extent of carrying him to the cabin, to distract him (we forgot abt the situation of people boarding the plane at that time could cause the anxiety in Aqil). Aqil quitened down as he was carried away by the steward.
Nah...we could see him from where we were, and we were so thankful for the staffs again...going all out to make the passengers comfortable.
So once everyone is seated for take-off....the steward returned Aqil to us. This time Aqil had his own seat...hence we buckled him up in his seat. But he was cranky...crying continuously during the take-off. I could only hold on to him & verbally assured him that everything was ok & it would be over soon (the take-off).
The crying continued even after the take-off but more to sobbing & crankiness. All the while Aqil was passed between me, the husbern & the sista...for us to take turns to calm him down. Hugs & carrying him helped him to quieten down. And eventually...abt an hr or so...he was quiet. Why? Hehe...he fell asleep. Alhamdulillah...we were able to continue the flight in peace after that.
The trip to Seoul was the same as the trip to HK...both were 5days trips.
But back in HK, Aqil was much smaller...he was more on formula than food. And at that time, he was still eating porridge hence, feeding him was not a problem. The trip to Seoul was a different story...the 5 days seems to be draggy.
By 2012...we sort of knew & suspected of Aqil's autism....though it had not been officially diagnosed. Hence all the conditions & situations he was particular of....we knew. Hence, we brought along his chocolate wafers & Cadbury chocolates...coz we're expecting him to be fussy abt food. And yes...the prediction realized. It was more difficult to get nice halal food in Seoul....most were Indian/Mediterranean food which Aqil do not eat. By the 3rd day...we became a bit desperate...coz he needed to eat something though he didn't really asked for it. We turned to McD (not halal). After checking to make sure they used only veg oil for the fries, we bought a pack for Aqil. And guess what? He refused to eat the fries..."it's different!" He said, pushing the fries away!
SubhanaAllah...that could be His way of protecting this special lil human. It did struck us...but then we were desperate for him to eat something then.
So Aqil was just feeding on the chocolate wafers & Cadbury chocolates that we brought from home that few days. Best thing...we couldn't find any Cadbury in Seoul! Aargh! We understood that the wafers couldn't be found overseas coz its locally produced but Cadbury?
Haha! By day 4...Aqil only had his formula to feed on before we head back home. We could see he was a bit lethargic & weaker. We just couldn't wait to head back home & feed him something!
Flight back home was a bit easier...he was still cranky but maybe because he lacked the food hence no energy to be kicking or screaming.
We felt so so so guilty then. We shouldn't have gone on the trip. But then again, if we didn't go...we wouldn't had the experience. No more planes since then...not with Aqil. Even the sista who was with us during the Seoul trip...strongly said no flights for Aqil yet....until he's much bigger or begin accepting other food.
Luckily the other 2 are more independent hence we can safely leave them to follow their aunties on trips. For Aqil...not yet. Even the 3-day trip to KL last Dec was exhaustive for us. Aqil was cranky every time we reached the car park of the hotel coz he wanted to go home. And he's refusing even McD fries saying it's different! (Halal in Msia) We were lucky he eats the chicken rice at Pavillion. But one can imagine...everyday, we have to go to Pavillion for his chic rice fix.
However, a few days of crankiness is worth it...we still have to expose him to the real world...we can't allow him to continue be in just his comfort zone. Aqil has to learn to adapt. The real world is a rough ride. It will be hard every time...and it may even take forever for him to be able to be apart from home...even just for a short trip...but we'll never give up. π
Today, I was at a course. And the facilitator showed a video which was very, very close to my heart.
Truly Amazing Teacher.
Attached is the video clip which truly inspired me. As a teacher and as a parent.
This man here truly inspires me to be the best teacher I should be. No, personally, I feel I am still far from the teacher he is. He truly goes all out to make his lessons fun, interesting & enriching for his pupils. And, even after a day of awesomely adventurous day at work, he is still full of energy to attend to his special need son at home.
Watching him & his special need son, I suddenly felt ashamed of myself. Serious. Ashamed.
I was feeling all weak & helpless almost everytime when I think of Aqil. About his development, about his education, about his needs and about how society will accept him. And this man here, in this video, just proved to me that I was wrong. I shouldn't be feeling or thinking that way at all.
One of his sentence which he said to his pupils ~ "the mere fact that you could sit up and sit down is a miracle". That kinda woke me up. What was I thinking all this while?
Yes, Aqil is diagnosed with autism. But Aqil is able to walk, Aqil is able to run, Aqil is able to talk, Aqil is able to eat, Aqil is able to run into my arms, Aqil is able to give me a big hug...but the child in this vid can't do all that.
No. I take back my word. The child in the vid is able to give his dad a big hug! Aaawww.....
And this man here again stuck me hard with his words ~ "the reason why things work is LOVE".
True. Totally amazingly true. His son was able to respond to him because of the love that he has for his son. He spends time with him, he changes his diapers, he feeds him....and many more which wasn't shown of course. They were able to tell that the boy was actually able to see because of the time that the sister spent with him. The sister was playing with him and that created the chance for the family to realise that their son is actually able to see...not as what he was diagnosed as.
And I totally agree with this man when he said how amazing and incredible it is to be able to see and experience something which was seen as almost impossible. For him, its his son telling him "Daddy, I love you" using sign language.
That went deep through me. Everytime Aqil says "Aqil loves Mama".....I was beaming with pride and joy. Everytime he says "I'm sorry Mama" and gives me a big hug after doing something that made me angry...I just couldn't help it but to return the hug.
Yes. Getting all emo here ain't I? Hehehe...
So, inspired I was after the course today. I took out the high frequency words which I used with Arisya. The box which is used to store the cards was dusty! Haha! That just shows when was the last time I opened up the box huh?
I was all geared up to teach Aqil the words. No. I have not really sit down and get to do proper teaching & learning with Aqil. With Ariq & Arisya, my hands are already full....a day at work, followed with house chores and then with the kids' school work....I just wanna spend quality time with Aqil. I want him to know me as his mother....not as his teacher. This is a child with autism that we're talking about here....not any normal child that is able to tell that "oh...my mummy is helping me with my learning". A child with autism may think "a teacher teaches...is this my mother or my teacher?"
Hence, as mentioned earlier...watching this vid has kinda woken me up. What have I done to help my special needs child? With the flash cards, I sat Aqil down and I was totally blown away! He was spontaneously reading all the words shown to him independently. I was so awed that I got him to read another round so that I can record him.
Where was I? What was I doing all this while? How come I didn't know that my son is able to read?
Yes, he talks. And he'd used bombastic words at times. But that was totally verbal of course. I didn't do anything to check if he was able to read the high frequency words!
He is 7. He is a child with autism. He has been diagnosed with low IQ that he was said to be unsuitable for the mainstream. He has to remain another year with EIPIC Centre because he still has not gotten a place in the SPED schs that we registered with.
And today....he reads!
I am a teacher. I have seen pupils struggling in school. Pupils at Aqil's age still struggling to read, struggling to identify letters and words. And they are in school. In mainstream school.
Many things just gushed through my head. Many emotions just gushed through my mind.
Suddenly, there's so many that I need to do....so many more that I need to find out....for Aqil.
But the one thing....that one important thing that I learnt today is how powerful LOVE is.
LOVE for my children, for Aqil especially....to believe in them that they can do it. They don't need another teacher at home...they need their MUM.
LOVE for my pupils. To believe in them that they can do it. To keep believing in them even when they fall. To make them feel loved...and love cannot be measured with grades.
I don't intend to be the next Truly Amazing Teacher. I just wanna to be the best teacher I can be....and the best parent I can be....insyaAllah.
Not that I love him or favor him more than my first two. Know for sure that every child is different...that every child is unique & special is each own way. But a child with special needs requires that extra understanding.
And that requirement....can definitely cause a dilemma every now & then.
Aqil only eats chicken rice & it's not just any chicken rice...only from certain places. Hence every day...yes, every day we have to bring him to the places to have his chicken rice. Growing up bigger each day has of course increase his appetite too. He eats 2-3 plates each time...well, because it's once daily. He'll hv McD fries or Choc wafers for lunch.
We tried...and will continue trying to introduce other food to him, just to no avail until now.
The only way to ensure that he is fed sufficiently is to bring him to have his chix rice daily...same places. And in the process, Ariq & Arisya have gotten tired of the food there. We can't blame them coz me, myself, sometimes I don't know what to eat at those places anymore...the same things again and again. So now, Ariq & Arisya will often opt not to tag along when we bring Aqil out for his meal of the day.
This can be heartbreaking...I do get the feeling that I am prioritizing Aqil over Ariq & Arisya but then again, that is Aqil.
Dilemma seeps in...
Aqil will be on his iPad or my handphone almost every minute except of course when he's attending school or weekend class. We tried shifting his attention elsewhere....the TV, bought him manipulatives or toys but these can only occupy him 1-2 hours daily after which he will ask for his iPad again.
And with work & more work at home, there is just that much time we can sit down with him to shift his attention away.
Almost every time we lay in bed, our eyes will automatically shut...especially after a long day at work. And there is Aqil still awake...take his iPad away & he'll be screaming his lungs out for the longest time he can. With Ariq & Arisya already asleep, we can only let him be otherwise the whole house will be awake too. Not to mention Ariq & Arisya...both of us are usually too shagged by then to handle him if he starts throwing tantrums...in the wee hours?
So sometimes...when I read or hear abt techniques or ways of handling a child with special needs...I'd go "Yeah right...easier said than done". And when I let him be...I'd start questioning myself..."Am I being a good parent?"
Dilemma seeps in...
Seriously...attending to a special needs child requires a lot....a lot....and a lot of patience, time & energy. We...parents can break down eventually if we really follow the book or have high demands in ourselves or the child particularly...really...and seriously.
I attended a course on special needs recently and the facilitator reminded us to mind what we say when sharing or giving opinions & that there is no right or wrong answer to our discussions....and I totally understood what she meant.
Being humans...to compare has almost become a natural thing to do....and comparing can be hurtful to others. Being humans...and in the world that we are living in...slowing down doesn't seem like an option....but to others they don't even have the privilege to opt.
Yesterday night, Aqil was down with his tantrums again. He was getting frustrated with the game he was playing on his iPad. But he refused to stop when told to. It was already late at night. Ariq & Arisya were asleep. Both of us...yes, both of us turned to stern & angry approaches to handle him....resulted in iPad taken away, spanking him, the child wailing. Yes, he did give up fighting and sobbed himself to sleep.
I woke up this morning with that still vivid on my mind....looked at him who's calmly asleep and my heart broke....totally broke and the question came again...."Am I a good parent?"
I put myself in his shoes....and these came to mind....(1) he was frustrated coz he kept losing the game & he melted down coz he couldn't manage his frustrations - and we saw it as him throwing tantrums....(2) he refused to stop when told too because he didn't want to give up, he still wanna try to win the game - and we saw it as he was not listening to us....(3) he gave up and sobbed himself to sleep coz Mama & Dad were really angry & he didn't want his parents to be angry with him never mind that Mama & Dad didn't understand what he was feeling with all the frustrations of losing the games - and we saw it as finally he's listening & we won.
I cringed when I actually understood him but.... only the next morning....kissed him lightly and whispered "Mama sorry Sayang..."
