Post Partum...Post Natal...I had it.

Post-partum.

Post-natal.

It is scary. 

Read the news abt the young mother who jumped with her baby. 

I had it.

I experienced it.

But without realising it.

That's a blessing.

Not ignorant can be good...somewhat. 

It was my first child birth.

I was excited of course.

Wanting to do the things that mothers will do. 

I tried to do them myself. 

Furthermore, it was Ramadhan.

While others were fasting then, I was privileged coz mothers in confinement are not required to fast.

So...didn't wanna really tax them.

And I was then trying my best to follow the 'rules & regulations' of confinement.

No jalan-jalan.

I had the massage & got myself all wrapped up for whole day.

I was feeling so so so hot. 

Anyway...I didn't know I was having deperession then.

Luckily, I was...we were at my parents' for the confinement period.

It happened two weeks after I gave birth.

Apparently, I had a fit while feeding Ariq.

And I was in a sub-conscious state for about a week before I realised I was in hospital.

Stayed at TTSH for about a week.

Where I was behaving as though I'd lost my mind...it seemed.

Well, that's what I heard.

Coz I don't remember most of it.

Being subconscious, I do remember bits of the stay there.

But the good ones only...thank you الله.

I remembered my younger sister, who was doing her nursing practicum then, bathing me....with her friend.

How embarassing! 

But it happened.

I couldn't say no...nor move my limbs then.

So they just pushed my to the bathroom in a wheelchair.

And bathed me....in the wheelchair.

Another bit that I remembered was someone tying up my hair for me.

Didn't & don't know who.

جزاك اللهُ خيرًا ❤️

Just when I started to become aware of my surroundings...I was moved to KKH.

I was supposed to be transferred to IMH but my family refused.

That part...I remembered everything.

Everyone was doing everything for me.

Everyone was obliging to anything I said.

Haha! Felt like I owned the world! 

Actually...they knew what happened to me.

Before I finally realised it myself.

After I met the psychologist at KKH. 

So they did what they did...to prevent me from slipping into depression yet again.

Thank you الله for these people in my life.

So I decided that it is not gonna happen again when I got pregnant with Arisya & Aqil.

And my family ensured that too.

Thank you الله ❤️

Oh...by the way...there's one more thing I remembered...

My family placed Ariq's photo next to my hospital bed...and told me that I had to get well quickly coz Ariq had been waiting for me at home...

I have TeenAgers...& I ❤️ them so much!

My two teenage kids.

Yup, time flies...and I feel old! 😩

No more kissing...no more manja-manja.

Its not cool...to them. 🙄

As much as we are Asian family

Much more a Muslim family

We can't escape the Western influence

Special thanks to advanced technology these days.

I can't deny I feel intimidated when they started talking abt something that I am clueless about.

And when asked, they will go "Umi, you don't know ah..."😬

So now, got myself NetFlixed...finally.

Thanks to 13 Reasons. 

Ariq has been wanting to watch it.

And I was eventually influenced after hearing & reading abt it. 

Its M18.

Told Ariq not to watch it without me.

And this boy puts the same rule back on me. 😬

So that's the way to go...with teenage kids.

Those years when they are neither kids nor adults.

And growing up...entering adulthood

They want respect...especially.

It is no more abt telling them to do this and that.

It is abt talking with them...seeing different perspectives. 

Its about asking their help to do something...not just instructions.

So 'please' is mandatory. 😬

To me...personally, I felt that 13 Reasons is good.

Some scenes maybe  unacceptable to some.

Some may feel that it is unsuitable for under 18s.

But rather than to catch or find out that Ariq is watching it secretly...

I thought it'd be better to watch it with him.

Coz it being a quite talkabout series...there is no denying that Ariq is definitely tempted to watch it. 

And yesterday, he showed me Katherine Lanford's IG. 

So...yeah. 

And I don't regret it. 

In fact, we got to talk.

Abt sch life.

Abt BGR.

Abt families.

Et cetera. 

Personal topics.

Sensitive topics.

IMPORTANT topics.

which was made easier through watching 13 Reasons. 

Nope. 

I am not promoting the series. 

I am just sharing my experiences...as a parent with teenagers....in this case. 

Coz I am learning too...frm other parents...online. 

Local parents.

Asian parents.

Western parents.

Religious parents. 

Some may ask...why 13 Reasons.

Why not some other TV series.

True...there maybe others.

But I find it...real.

That is the real thing.

Happening in the real world. 

The world is vast...especially with internet. 

I won't be able to stop my kids frm exploring.

Especially in today's context.

So I wanna be with them...

When they are...

They can take any route in their studies...

But in life...I hope for no mistakes in their lives

And even I learnt something frm the series.

How some people maybe more fragile than others

How important it is to always think positive

How important it is to stay firm & strong

How everything is actually upon our shoulders

And the cruel truth that we can never blame anyone else 

But we can always make things better

Always think positive....always have faith

My way may not be the best way

My way may even be wrong

Just sharing abt it

Coz I take frm others...this is my giving back

Our experiences.....

Our learning.....

Nevertheless, humans plan...but everything is up to Him.

بإذن الله ❤️

 

Parenting

What is the right parenting? 

Am I a good parent? 

These are questions that will hit anyone who has become a parent. 

And I believe that there is never a definite answer.

But for sure...all parents want the best for their children.

I can't say that both me & my husband, are good parents for sure. 

We are definitely way different from the typical parents these days....yup, the typical parents.

Ok, maybe...typical parents in SG? 

Me & husband are totally slackers! Haha! 

Ariq & Arisya went to PCF for their pre-schooling. 

We didn't even survey or check out other privatised pre-schools. 😎

And when we needed to put Arisya in childcare coz we just had Aqil then, we put her in a PCF childcare too. 

And of coz Aqil...EIPIC centre....our cool dude. 😎

We started sending them to sch at the age of 4.....for nursery.

To me that is as early as can be already.

3 years of pre-school...I believe is more than enough. 

And when it came to registering Ariq for Primay 1...we placed him in my sch then! 😎

First reason is easy registration coz I'm a staff.

And secondly, we want our child to be in a neighbourhood school.

I also thought that it's be easier to go to sch together & I'm able to monitor him in sch. 

In fact there's a sch right next to our house then but we still choose the later coz as much as I can handle it...as in send & fetch Ariq to & fro...I did it that way. 

Ariq had the 'luxury' of not going to childcare. 

Yup, I believe it is a 'luxury' as compared to being in childcare for 8-10hrs daily. 

Thankfully, we have our in-laws staying with us.

Oh yes...AriqArisyAqil are pampered to the max by their grandparents.

Weekdays pampered by paternal grandparents & weekends over at maternal grandparents. 

And when we had Aqil, we had no choice but to put Arisya in childcare coz it'd be hard on my in-laws.

We didn't want a maid coz we didn't want a 'stranger' living w us then. 

And it was so so painful to see Arisya crying everyday...coz she had to wake up early in the morning to go to sch.

And how heartbroken it is to see her sleeping on the naked matress when I fetched her.

She could have been at home...sleeping with lots & lots of pillows & cushions all around her.

Yes, that's how AriqArisyAqil slept in their early years...lots of cushioning all around when they sleep. 😘

Hence it was only for a year that Arisya was in childcare.

We wanted her to be at home instead...at her safest & happiest haven. 

So we took a maid. 

Oh yes, we followed the 'trend' then too.

We signed Ariq up for taekwondo & Arisya for ballet.

But we stopped after the exams started coming. 

No...not sch exams but exams for Taekwondo & Ballet...for them to move to next level. 

We didn't sign them up for them to be stressed by more testings & exams apart frm sch.

Hence, we stopped sending them for such classes. 

And to be in sch for more than 6hrs daily is more than enough.

We feel. 

Hence, Ariq & Arisya has never had tuition nor enrichment classes other than in school. 

We get assessments books for them to practise at home. 

Only when its near the exams then they do the practices otherwise it is just school work for them. 

Ariq is not in express.

Arisya is taking Maths & Sci at foundation for PSLE.

And no...we are still not getting tuition for them. 

Cheapskate parents? 

Bad parents? 

To others...yes, maybe we are. 

But to us...we just want our children to be children. 

We don't push our children? 

No, we don't.

We want them to be children for as long as they can be.

In fact childhood is like only first 12 yrs of our lives? 

They will be in adulthood for the rest of their lives...they should be given that 12 years of childhood to be the children they are. 

We understand that they may have to start from bottom without a degree. 

But hey...we start with the lowest step when climbing up the stairs or ladder right? 

Learning is for life.

Learning never stop. 

For as long as they live...they will learn. 

Not just abt calculations or scientific facts or history...but also about life...about love, respect, kindness, perseverance etc.

There is no definite best way in parenting. 

All parents want the best for their children definitely. ❤

 

Nag Nag Nag 😜

I don't see anything wrong with sharing our happiness. 

We share news & pics of new things we bought or holidaying or cooking or getting awards & even good results & food! 

There's nothing wrong with sharing happiness...is there? 

Yes, of coz we must always remember that they are those who don't & can't afford some of the happiness that we share. 

Well, I believe...intention is the main focus here. 

What is the intention of the sharing.

And...perception.

What is the perception when looking at any particular post online. 

And anyone & everyone who uses the social media...shld know the function of it. 

Most people...most....tend to post & share 'happiness' rather than anything else. 

But in real life...we know that life is not all beautiful. 

Whatever I share online are things which I choose to share. 

I wouldn't say I share everything but I share both happiness & difficulties in my life. 

And I can't deny that I too tend to share more of my happiness just like the others. 

When I see posts of 'happiness' which are usually achievements, holidays, food etc...I enjoyed the beautiful pics a lot of coz. 😜

When I see posts abt achievements, I will go 'Wow!'. I will see that as a motivational pull...that makes me go "Hey...maybe I can do that too?" 

But I don't push myself too hard. 

I do things at my pace...a pace that I can manage & am comfortable with. 

I'd rather go slow & be happy...than to push myself & feel stressed and depressed.

Same goes for my kids. I don't push them much. (Will share more in another blog post)

And we don't go holidays much.

We don't go flying much. 

One reason is Aqil of coz, who hates flights. 

Another is of coz...monetary ones. 

When one becomes a parent...especially with a special needs child...one has no choice but to always keep in check. 😉

But hey, I love looking at holidays pics of others. 

In fact, I appreciate them doing so.

I am able to see those places through their eyes...through their lenses. 

If no one shared...I won't be able to know the existence of such places. 

So this is how it looks like inside a plane.

So this is how it looks like above the clouds.

Wow...this place exist? 

Wow...there's such a place? 

When I see posts of food? 

I go crazy! 😂

Posts of homecooked food makes me wanna try making them.

Posts of places to eat makes me wanna go & try them. 

So pls...don't stop sharing! 👌🏼

But it is sometimes nice to read up posts on coping with life...coping with challenges...coping with failures too. 

Because it is not always that we are happy. 

There are moments when we are down too. 

And sometimes...we need to let go of these down feelings instead of keep them all in. 

And sometimes...we need to know that there are others who are going through the same difficulties or challenges that we are going through. And if they can do it...so can you.

Some have this thinking that such sharings is similar to washing your dirty linen in public. 

Well, I beg to differ. 

A disclaimer though...one needs to be careful of the language & contents of such sharings. 

However...we must know that everyone has different life stories. 

Some have more ups than downs.

Some have more downs than ups. 

But our life stories is ours. 

Whether you want to share your life story or not...its up to you.

Whether you want to read up on others' life stories or not...its up to you. 

For everything happens...بإذن الله ❤️

 

18 Nov 2016 - Double Happiness ❤️💜

Today is double happiness for us. First of all, today is our firstborn's birthday. 

And today, Aqil received his first award. 

Only 2 pax per pupil was allowed otherwise we'd hv attended the event as a family! 😜

It was an eye-opener for us. 

 

 

A prize-giving ceremony which is different from the usual. 

The whole thing was sub-divided into several small, cosy ceremonies. 

So...the one that we attended was held at a Music Room. 

Along with Aqil, there were 5 other pupils....with their parent(s) & teachers. 

Refreshments were provided. 

Individually packed & given to guests aka parent(s). 

Every teacher was next to their own pupil.

Including Aqil's teachers. 

The teachers helped to ensure that the kids were calm. 

Every pupil was holding on to the visual prompter so that they knew what was going on & what was gonna take place next. 

 

As per all prize-giving ceremonies, there was an emcee. 

There were performances too...by the pupils there. 

However, the performances were pre-recorded. 

Nevertheless, we watched the video clips of performances as though they were LIVE & everyone clapped after each performance. 

So sweet isn't it? 😍

As usual, we were not allowed to record anything....only own pics were allowed. 

Respect that. 😘

It was only abt 10mins after we were seated that the ceremony began. 

Aqil was already getting a bit restless & said "Are we starting already?" 

So were the other pupils. 

And throughout the ceremony, each & everyone of them started stimming...their own way. 

It was a beautiful sight! 😍

And while at a 'normal' prize-giving ceremony whereby the awardees goes up the stage independently...every awardee at Eden was accompanied by their parent(s). 

Each awardee was given an envelope consisting of a cert & cheque. 

One threw the envelope to the floor.

One didn't wanna take the envelope.

One started to bite the envelope.

And everyone just laughed it off. 😂

Parent(s) took their time to snap pics with their child & no one was rushed. 

 

 

 

 

The ceremony for the 6 awardees took half an hour. 😉

After the prize-giving ceremony, we were brought to the canteen where there were 2 photo booths. 

Many interesting props were made available. 

Parent(s) were allowed to take as many pics as we wanted with our children. 

And the pics were printed on-the-spot for us. 😎

 

 

 

 

We felt so at home. 

Everything was so cosy for the pupils & also parents. 

The teachers welcomed parents at the lobby.

Brought parents to the venue. 

Stayed by pupils' side throughout...reminding pupils of the visual prompter now & then. 

Brought parents & pupils to photo booths.

Walked us back to the lobby before parting. 

From the moment we stepped into the sch to the moment we stepped out of the sch.

Kudos to the teachers of Eden. 😍

A time well-spent with our lil king at his school.

Then we headed back to celebrate our firstborn's birthday. 

Thank you الله....for everything! ❤️

Faith بإذن الله 💜

How do you cope? 

How do you do it? 

Basically, it is more abt coping with Aqil. 

Abt having a child with ASD. 

While managing work, study & home. 

It is abt mindset.

It is abt will.

It is abt faith.

First of all, I hv to lower my expectations. 

In many, many things. 

Aqil makes me think what is it that I expect from my children, of my life.

There is work.

There is study.

And there are my growing up children. 

I look back.

Look back at my parents. 

My inspiration. 

Abah was the sole breadwinner & Mak was a housewife...with us 7 growing up girls then. 

How did they manage? 

They didn't put expectations on us, their children. 

They didn't help us with our studies or homework then cause they didn't hv high education.

Abah finished sch at Primary 6 & Mak finished sch only at Primary 3.

But Abah made sure we always had our books with us somehow during the allocated study time daily. And Mak could only help with our spelling...and that too only in our lower primary years. 

We self-studied & dependend on each other...me & my siblings. 

And I do just that with my children. 

Not that I am academically inadequate but rather so that I can do other chores in the house. 

Ariq & Arisya will usually do their homeworks by themselves. Ariq will help Arisya wherever he can. And both of them will ask me if they hv any problems. 

And we accept whatever their achievements with open heart. As long as they move on to the nxt level...we are happy. 

Ariq & Arisya are not high achievers...and we as parents, are proud of their achievements thus far coz whatever they achieved is based on their own hard work. No home-based nor external tutoring nor any enrichment classes. 

They may take a longer route in the education journey but we are ok with that. As long as they continue the journey all the way to the end...we will always be there, encouranging them (and nag too sometimes) along the way. 

If I place too much focus on their studies, I won't be able to prepare daily meals for them. 

And that is one thing I definitely remember & appreciate of my Mak...we always had home meals, we didn't eat out then. Eating out was a luxury. 

Sacrifices.

There definitely are sacrifices to be made. 

Having a child with ASD requires more time, more effort, more spending. 

Yes, more spending. 

From the time we referred him until now...the costs has not stop. 

But we made sure Aqil gets whatever Ariq & Arisya got. We started sending him from nursery & also madrasah. 

Being in SPED sch & madrasah, his fees are much more than mainstream. 

His sch fees is 35x that of Ariq & Arisya and his madrasah fees is 4x that of Ariq & Arisya. 

And meltdowns are definitely synonym with autism. To manage these meltdowns requires lots & lots of patience. 

It will be a lie if we say that we had never snapped before. 

The big decision we had to make came when Aqil started having meltdowns taking the bus to & from sch. A few complains came from the bus driver & the break point came when Aqil actually threw his shoes at the bus driver. 

And so the husband made the sacrifice & started sending & fetching Aqil. 

Of coz we feel it. Feel the loss of income. 

And so another big decision came when we had to downgrade. While others are mostly upgrading, we downgraded frm our EA to a 4-room. 

But positively, we are now proud owners of our fully-owned house, not mortgaged. 

And the monthly bills...there is a distinct difference for sure! 😉

That's when faith comes in. We believe rizq is frm الله definitely. 

Recently, a fellow autismmum who is also a working mum, asked me if my workplace know of my child's condition & make exceptions for me.

No. 

And I don't expect to receive any exceptions. 

There is this thing abt egalitarianism.

Personally, all my children are the same & equal. Hence, as shared, Aqil gets what Ariq & Arisya got. 

And having a special needs child doesn't give me the right to put it as a burden to someone else or even to my workplace. 

Hence the sacrifice made by the husband. 

If you are to ask, why the husband...why not me when I am the mother. 

We considered ALL factors. 

And my husband is not a house husband. 

My husband do freelance work & he too brings home income. 

Just that...the income is now unstable & with no bonuses. 

While on my part, as a full-time worker & main breadwinner of the family...I have to keep my work safe. 

I treasure all the privileges & benefits I've got & always think twice abt taking leave. 

How abt work pressure? 

I don't give myself pressures. 

I don't push myself.

Coz I need to survive.

How abt study pressure? 

I don't give myself pressures.

I don't push myself.

Most finished their degree programmes in 3 or 4 years.

This is my 4th year studying & still need a few more years before completing.

Coz I need to survive.

And I have my husband to thank for making the monetary sacrifice & always being there in my place whenever the children are concerned & sharing the house chores with me (did I share that the husband do the laundry - washing, folding, ironing? 😘). 

Always have faith.

Thank you الله....for everything happens...بإذن الله 💜

 

Awareness & Acceptance

Just watched the news broadcasting the welcoming home of the paralympic team earlier. As quoted frm medalist paralympian Yip Pin Xiu, progress has been seen in the public acceptance & support for paralympic & special needs in general. 

But what is acceptance? 

What is acceptance in the eyes of the public?

What is acceptance...according to the government? 

What is acceptance to the special people themselves? 

Mainstream schools have been accepting special needs pupils...for various reasons - being a sch, of coz all children is welcomed / parents want their children to be in mainstream / no availability in SPED schs etc. 

When it comes to education, we recognise that individuals progress differently...that is among the 'normal' children...whatmore with the 'special' ones included. 

Being an educator, it is not easy to do differentiated lesson among 'normal' children. How do you think it is gonna be with special needs children included? 

Special needs children need more than the usual resources available in mainstream schools. 

This will definitely affect the lessons, assessments, programmes etc. 

And please do not forget the educators...the teachers. 

Apart frm being physically taxed, they will be emotionally taxed too coz when we connect with other people...we will somewhat be emotionally effected. 

And let's put ourselves in the special needs children shoes...is putting them in mainstream schools equals to accepting them? 

Are they able to accustomed themselves to classmates who are 'different' from them? 

Are they able to follow through the daily lessons & activities well? 

Are we showing acceptance for them by putting them in mainstream or rather are we highlighting their differences more? 

Will they feel happy being with peers who are different from them or with peers who are very much similar to them? 

Will they feel the peer pressure? 

Being in mainstream...seeing their peers doing all the things that they can't do...is that doing the special needs any good? 

In a mainstream school...generally a lesson plan is suited for the whole class.

But for special needs children...they need individual EIP. 

Why are there limited vacancies in SPED schs? 

Coz they have to keep the classes small so that teachers can give more time, more focus to each & every child.

How will this child do in a mainstream sch with a class of 30/40? 

Special needs children needs intervention, lots of it and at a consistency...will they get the intervention needed in mainstream sch? 

Taking ASD as an example...when you see one child with autism...you see only one child, you will not see another one like that child. 

If you can put a special needs child in a mainstream school...then why can't special needs people compete alongside 'normal' people in olympics? 

Yes, let's embrace special needs. 

Let's accept individuals with special needs with open arms.

But we can't deny the fact that they are different & will always be different.

What they need is the support...the special schools...the special facilities...the therapies...the understanding....the acceptance.