Father's Day

He ain't perfect.

He has flaws.

Well, no one is perfect.

Everyone has flaws.

He ain't the best father in the world.

But he is the best Dad for AriqArisyAqil.

He pampers us.

Not in the luxurious nor romantic way. 

Practical ways. 

Ways that is often taken for granted. 

I have said this before...and I have to say it again.

He is a better father than I am a mother. 

Thank you for everything Ayah/Dad/Mr Husbern! ❤️

Thank you الله ❤️

Eid 2019

2017.

Yup, my last blog post.

Hahahahaha! 

So here I am again. Too precious to let go of this blog.

This is also a way to polish my English.

Which can go karat anytime you know. 

Hahahaha! 

11 Syawal 1440H

Yes, its Eid.

Last week.

But tradition has been for Eid to be celebrated the whole month of Syawal.

Tradition.

We stopped that tradition since a few years back. Especially after that big change that we made. We have to adjust our lifestyle. Furthermore, with the kiddos all grown up...it is no more abt following Mum & Dad around. More often they would ask if its ok if they don't tag along.

Life is as such. Nothing is stagnant. Always changing. Always revolving. We need to adapt as and when needed. 

I love how we are changing slowly. For the better...إن شاء الله. 

Simple dishes for sahur & iftar. No more going to Bazaar Geylang. No more going to JB to find Raya kuehs. 

And this year, we made another change. We did our terawihs at home as a family instead of Mr Husbern & Ariq doing it at a nearby MPH. 

This Ramadhan, Mr Husbern was warded for 10 days. He was warded for 6 days in Ramadhan last year. And I became stronger. 

I have to.

For the family.

I am lucky MIL has been there for the kids like forever. Hence, I am able to keep on going. With AriqArisyAqil all grown up, they have been very helpful in almost everything.

And work. Work has been very smooth for me. Everything fell in nicely. Mr Husbern was warded during the exams hence there wasn't much teaching & marking. I was also able to take time-off coz of the exam schedule hence was able to settle Aqil's schooling. 

And my studies. Lucky for me I have no exams for this semester! الله is the best planner indeed. 

الله willed for things to happen.

الله will not make it hard for you. 

Thank you الله ❤️

Always learning...still learning

Dined out yesterday. 

The place was totally full.

We even had to wait for our seats. 

One of the staff apologised & told us that they were getting our table ready. She then asked if it was okay to let the two guys behind us be seated first as there was a table for two available. 

We spontaneously said yes coz it was a table for two...so why not.

And spontaneously too, the staff & the two guys thanked us for that. 

Well, that feeling at that moment...only الله knows. 

It really shows how sincerity, courtesy, tolerance & gratitude can do magic.

So that feeling somewhat made the waiting seemed short...ما شاء الله‎‎.

Soon after, we were brought in to the restaurant which was brimming with humans, chattering away as they were enjoying their dinner. 

Aqil was already fidgety. 

We walked over to our table which was really crammed between other tables on both sides. 

Upon seated, Aqil pointed to the food on the table next to us & started being fidgety again. 

This of course attracted the attention of that table diners. 

So I placed my handbag next to him to block his view. 

And when our food was served, he fidgeted again. 

We were anxious for a bit but this boy just turned himself around & crouched in his seat...without much noise. 

There was YouTube,of course, to occupy him. 

So we had our dinner while having to remind him every now & then to mind his legs coz as he got excited & started stimming, he might accidentally kick the person at the next table. 

Which he didn’t...fortunately...phew! 

Being parents of a child with special needs, it is definitely more challenging especially to bring the child out in public. 

But we believe it is better than to keep the child at home most of the time. 

The world...we need to know there are those with special needs around us. 

Different types of special needs. 

Different range of special needs. 

We definitely cannot do things on our own. 

We need help.

We need understanding. 

And we need our special needs children to be as independent as they can be. 

To know that they are the same as others.

With Aqil, we always refer to Ariq & Arisya as comparison. 

Whenever Aqil refuses to go to school or madrasah, we tell him “Abang & Kakak go to sch so Aqil has to go to school too....Abang & Kakak go to madrasah so Aqil has to go to madrasah too.”

When we dine out, Aqil knows that we eat at other places apart from Bagus, Evertop & Supper Club.

It used to be frequent reminders but now he knows. 

He knows we have to eat & he may not like what we are eating but he has to tolerate. 

We waited for him while he was eating.

So he too has to wait for us while we are eating. 

Many people has said that “Hey...Aqil looks okay.”

“Aqil can have eye contact”

“Aqil can speak very well”

Intervention. 

Early intervention.

Continuous intervention. 

And belief...بإذن الله.

Aqil started school at 4yrs old for nursery. 

Same as Ariq & Arisya. 

But not mainstream. 

We know he needs more than what mainstream can give him. 

And he has improved so so much. 

Lesser & lesser stimmings.

Lesser & lesser meltdowns.

Not totally gone but lesser. 

And that’s what we want for him. 

To be behaving as much the same as others around him. 

To have survival & social skills. 

As much as the world need to know the existence of people with special needs...people with special needs to need to know the world they are living in too. 

Molly

Watched this movie on AMC channel yesterday. Mr Husbern chanced upon it while browsing through the channels. 😂

The story is abt a woman in her late 20s who has been autistic since youth, Molly McKay (Elisabeth Shue) is left in the care of her bachelor brother, Buck (Aaron Eckhart). Given her extended time in a mental institution, her withdrawn behavior and their estrangement, Buck and Molly don't interact easily, though he comes to find her innocence both endearing and frustrating. Eventually, Buck reluctantly agrees to let Molly undergo an experimental procedure that may give her a more normal life. 

The experiment worked. Molly began to learn new things. Molly began to socialise. Molly began to adapt to normal life. Molly stayed with her brother Buck.

But it wasn't for long. Molly went back to her autistic self. She couldn't even handle with the flipping sound of books while she was in a library. Buck had to sent Molly back to the hospital because of her condition. With the experiment being unsuccessful, Molly wld hv to be sent back to the mental institution if Buck cldn't have her at his house. But being siblings...Buck cldn't leave Molly alone. He prepared a room with lots of shoes for Molly....in his house. 

A very touching movie. To us especially. Being an autism family. It is very important to have acceptance from people around especially one's own family. And a family belongs together...not separated. 

This movie is very real. Awareness & acceptance is very important for people with autism. Autism is a mental disorder. In layman term...an autistic person is a crazy person. But only to the ignorants.

A child with autism is very different from an adult with autism. Perception of people will change. It is easier to accept a child with autism than an adult with autism. 

Accepting is not abt changing. You don't change a person. You can never change a person. Even through experimental procedures. You hv to accept the person. Especially if the person is born that way. 

As in this movie, Molly went through an experimental procedure on her brain. Yes, she changed for the better. But not for long. Molly went back to her autistic self.

Something similar happened to Aqil. Is happening actually.

For the past one month, we have been working closely with his sch teachers & therapist & social worker to get his haywired sleeping corrected. Why? Because they want to change his schedule in sch. They think Aqil is capable of doing & learning more & hence wants him to attend longer sch hours. But they refused to just change his sch hrs until Aqil starts waking up earlier. 

We hv told his sch that he was on a 4hr sch programme while at EIPIC....so it shld be ok to put him on a 4hr schedule. But they still want to make sure his sleeping time is corrected before doing so. *sigh*

And over the past 3 weeks...Aqil's sleeping had been good - sleeping at around 11pm/12mn & waking up at around 8/9am. But these few days...his sleeping time shifted again....going back to his 'normal' haywired sleeping time. 😬

This is the first time we are working closely with the sch. Nevertheless, we have like since forever, tried to change his sleeping time....even though we have very well adapted ourselves to his sleeping time. 😅

See what I mean? It is difficult...almost impossible to change a person especially is that person is not normal. No matter how hard we try to introduce them to the world...they will always go back to their 'own world'. 

We can get them to adapt to us...to our world. But we can never change them. 

And they need us to know this. They need us to know they exist. They need us to understand coz they can't understand us. They need us to accept them...as they are. 

I hug Aqil everyday. I hugged him to put myself to sleep. And I realise that our lil king is getting bigger. Each day. And he is turning 10 in a few mths time. Two digit age. 

Our lil king will be a teenager. Many changes will take place in his body. Many changes will take place in his life. These are changes which he can't refuse...and we can't stop. He will be facing lots of changes...why do we have to make him face more changes? 

Seriously, what they need is acceptance. Please accept them. 

For what they are. 💙

Post Partum...Post Natal...I had it.

Post-partum.

Post-natal.

It is scary. 

Read the news abt the young mother who jumped with her baby. 

I had it.

I experienced it.

But without realising it.

That's a blessing.

Not ignorant can be good...somewhat. 

It was my first child birth.

I was excited of course.

Wanting to do the things that mothers will do. 

I tried to do them myself. 

Furthermore, it was Ramadhan.

While others were fasting then, I was privileged coz mothers in confinement are not required to fast.

So...didn't wanna really tax them.

And I was then trying my best to follow the 'rules & regulations' of confinement.

No jalan-jalan.

I had the massage & got myself all wrapped up for whole day.

I was feeling so so so hot. 

Anyway...I didn't know I was having deperession then.

Luckily, I was...we were at my parents' for the confinement period.

It happened two weeks after I gave birth.

Apparently, I had a fit while feeding Ariq.

And I was in a sub-conscious state for about a week before I realised I was in hospital.

Stayed at TTSH for about a week.

Where I was behaving as though I'd lost my mind...it seemed.

Well, that's what I heard.

Coz I don't remember most of it.

Being subconscious, I do remember bits of the stay there.

But the good ones only...thank you الله.

I remembered my younger sister, who was doing her nursing practicum then, bathing me....with her friend.

How embarassing! 

But it happened.

I couldn't say no...nor move my limbs then.

So they just pushed my to the bathroom in a wheelchair.

And bathed me....in the wheelchair.

Another bit that I remembered was someone tying up my hair for me.

Didn't & don't know who.

جزاك اللهُ خيرًا ❤️

Just when I started to become aware of my surroundings...I was moved to KKH.

I was supposed to be transferred to IMH but my family refused.

That part...I remembered everything.

Everyone was doing everything for me.

Everyone was obliging to anything I said.

Haha! Felt like I owned the world! 

Actually...they knew what happened to me.

Before I finally realised it myself.

After I met the psychologist at KKH. 

So they did what they did...to prevent me from slipping into depression yet again.

Thank you الله for these people in my life.

So I decided that it is not gonna happen again when I got pregnant with Arisya & Aqil.

And my family ensured that too.

Thank you الله ❤️

Oh...by the way...there's one more thing I remembered...

My family placed Ariq's photo next to my hospital bed...and told me that I had to get well quickly coz Ariq had been waiting for me at home...

I have TeenAgers...& I ❤️ them so much!

My two teenage kids.

Yup, time flies...and I feel old! 😩

No more kissing...no more manja-manja.

Its not cool...to them. 🙄

As much as we are Asian family

Much more a Muslim family

We can't escape the Western influence

Special thanks to advanced technology these days.

I can't deny I feel intimidated when they started talking abt something that I am clueless about.

And when asked, they will go "Umi, you don't know ah..."😬

So now, got myself NetFlixed...finally.

Thanks to 13 Reasons. 

Ariq has been wanting to watch it.

And I was eventually influenced after hearing & reading abt it. 

Its M18.

Told Ariq not to watch it without me.

And this boy puts the same rule back on me. 😬

So that's the way to go...with teenage kids.

Those years when they are neither kids nor adults.

And growing up...entering adulthood

They want respect...especially.

It is no more abt telling them to do this and that.

It is abt talking with them...seeing different perspectives. 

Its about asking their help to do something...not just instructions.

So 'please' is mandatory. 😬

To me...personally, I felt that 13 Reasons is good.

Some scenes maybe  unacceptable to some.

Some may feel that it is unsuitable for under 18s.

But rather than to catch or find out that Ariq is watching it secretly...

I thought it'd be better to watch it with him.

Coz it being a quite talkabout series...there is no denying that Ariq is definitely tempted to watch it. 

And yesterday, he showed me Katherine Lanford's IG. 

So...yeah. 

And I don't regret it. 

In fact, we got to talk.

Abt sch life.

Abt BGR.

Abt families.

Et cetera. 

Personal topics.

Sensitive topics.

IMPORTANT topics.

which was made easier through watching 13 Reasons. 

Nope. 

I am not promoting the series. 

I am just sharing my experiences...as a parent with teenagers....in this case. 

Coz I am learning too...frm other parents...online. 

Local parents.

Asian parents.

Western parents.

Religious parents. 

Some may ask...why 13 Reasons.

Why not some other TV series.

True...there maybe others.

But I find it...real.

That is the real thing.

Happening in the real world. 

The world is vast...especially with internet. 

I won't be able to stop my kids frm exploring.

Especially in today's context.

So I wanna be with them...

When they are...

They can take any route in their studies...

But in life...I hope for no mistakes in their lives

And even I learnt something frm the series.

How some people maybe more fragile than others

How important it is to always think positive

How important it is to stay firm & strong

How everything is actually upon our shoulders

And the cruel truth that we can never blame anyone else 

But we can always make things better

Always think positive....always have faith

My way may not be the best way

My way may even be wrong

Just sharing abt it

Coz I take frm others...this is my giving back

Our experiences.....

Our learning.....

Nevertheless, humans plan...but everything is up to Him.

بإذن الله ❤️

 

Parenting

What is the right parenting? 

Am I a good parent? 

These are questions that will hit anyone who has become a parent. 

And I believe that there is never a definite answer.

But for sure...all parents want the best for their children.

I can't say that both me & my husband, are good parents for sure. 

We are definitely way different from the typical parents these days....yup, the typical parents.

Ok, maybe...typical parents in SG? 

Me & husband are totally slackers! Haha! 

Ariq & Arisya went to PCF for their pre-schooling. 

We didn't even survey or check out other privatised pre-schools. 😎

And when we needed to put Arisya in childcare coz we just had Aqil then, we put her in a PCF childcare too. 

And of coz Aqil...EIPIC centre....our cool dude. 😎

We started sending them to sch at the age of 4.....for nursery.

To me that is as early as can be already.

3 years of pre-school...I believe is more than enough. 

And when it came to registering Ariq for Primay 1...we placed him in my sch then! 😎

First reason is easy registration coz I'm a staff.

And secondly, we want our child to be in a neighbourhood school.

I also thought that it's be easier to go to sch together & I'm able to monitor him in sch. 

In fact there's a sch right next to our house then but we still choose the later coz as much as I can handle it...as in send & fetch Ariq to & fro...I did it that way. 

Ariq had the 'luxury' of not going to childcare. 

Yup, I believe it is a 'luxury' as compared to being in childcare for 8-10hrs daily. 

Thankfully, we have our in-laws staying with us.

Oh yes...AriqArisyAqil are pampered to the max by their grandparents.

Weekdays pampered by paternal grandparents & weekends over at maternal grandparents. 

And when we had Aqil, we had no choice but to put Arisya in childcare coz it'd be hard on my in-laws.

We didn't want a maid coz we didn't want a 'stranger' living w us then. 

And it was so so painful to see Arisya crying everyday...coz she had to wake up early in the morning to go to sch.

And how heartbroken it is to see her sleeping on the naked matress when I fetched her.

She could have been at home...sleeping with lots & lots of pillows & cushions all around her.

Yes, that's how AriqArisyAqil slept in their early years...lots of cushioning all around when they sleep. 😘

Hence it was only for a year that Arisya was in childcare.

We wanted her to be at home instead...at her safest & happiest haven. 

So we took a maid. 

Oh yes, we followed the 'trend' then too.

We signed Ariq up for taekwondo & Arisya for ballet.

But we stopped after the exams started coming. 

No...not sch exams but exams for Taekwondo & Ballet...for them to move to next level. 

We didn't sign them up for them to be stressed by more testings & exams apart frm sch.

Hence, we stopped sending them for such classes. 

And to be in sch for more than 6hrs daily is more than enough.

We feel. 

Hence, Ariq & Arisya has never had tuition nor enrichment classes other than in school. 

We get assessments books for them to practise at home. 

Only when its near the exams then they do the practices otherwise it is just school work for them. 

Ariq is not in express.

Arisya is taking Maths & Sci at foundation for PSLE.

And no...we are still not getting tuition for them. 

Cheapskate parents? 

Bad parents? 

To others...yes, maybe we are. 

But to us...we just want our children to be children. 

We don't push our children? 

No, we don't.

We want them to be children for as long as they can be.

In fact childhood is like only first 12 yrs of our lives? 

They will be in adulthood for the rest of their lives...they should be given that 12 years of childhood to be the children they are. 

We understand that they may have to start from bottom without a degree. 

But hey...we start with the lowest step when climbing up the stairs or ladder right? 

Learning is for life.

Learning never stop. 

For as long as they live...they will learn. 

Not just abt calculations or scientific facts or history...but also about life...about love, respect, kindness, perseverance etc.

There is no definite best way in parenting. 

All parents want the best for their children definitely. ❤